Confession.

I'm a self-proclaimed over-sharer. During the course of my lecture Tuesday night I told my students about a conversation I had with my cat before class, how I remember trying to kill my brother when my parents first brought him home because I was so jealous, and that I went through a phase in middle school where I wore Nike jumpsuits and chains.

I try to be just as open here and that's why it's been eating at me to not talk about some current medical issues I'm having. As with my Hashimotos diagnosis and year-long struggle with amenorrhea  I tend to wait until I know what the problem is before sharing here. Well, I'm still in the diagnosis stage but feel like I want to put it out there so you all know what's going on behind the scenes.

Last week I had some blood work done and had appointments at two different clinics (for two different, but now I believe interrelated issues.) On Friday clinic 1 called and told that the labs were abnormal, and asked me to get an ultrasound done asap. I was lucky enough to get in that day and the results of the ultrasound came back normal on Monday. The second clinic asked to have more labs done, an x-ray and an exploratory procedure that would cost 2k (even with my insurance) that I'll be putting off for a while because (1) I don't have that kind of money laying around and (2) the doc wanted to do it just to rule out things she was already confident weren't the cause of my problems.

So, when my first doc received the ultrasound report on Monday I expected her to call me in to talk about the next steps given my abnormal blood work. She wanted to consult with another physician over what to do next so I waited, not patiently, checking the phone every 2 minutes and finally called again yesterday to see if she had heard anything. Turns out she won't be in the office again until Monday so I have to wait until then to find out if she wants to do more tests, or if there's a way to start treating my problems. I promise once I know for sure what it is and what I'll be doing next I'll be less vague.

You know what's worse than sitting around waiting for a phone call like that? Not much.

When they told me on the phone yesterday that I'd have to wait until Monday I just mentally said 'screw today.' I left work early, went home, stuffed my face, and wallowed.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm not terminal and I'm not contagious, but I am frustrated and putting out an open invitation to my pity party.

Edit: As of this morning I'm feeling much better! It's amazing what some well-deserved wallowing can do. I also had a crappy run that I almost quit halfway through this morning. I persevered, saw an incredible sunrise, and was reminded that life is what you make of it.

I'm making today epic.

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